Dear higher self, I’m confused about what I want from P. I’m looking for some zing in the relationship, and I feel it toward him, but I don’t feel much from him. I don’t feel we are matched in our enthusiasm and interest in each other. What should I do?When we perceive how we are relating to another person and how they relate to us, it is an image of how we are relating to our own self. If we have an interest in our own self that is keen and respectful and filled with love, we do not concern ourselves with how the other person is relating to us unless their energy is damaging to us. Mostly it does not matter what they feel about you. To love unconditionally is to allow a person to be all that they want to be without expecting more, without expecting less, without asking for more. There is only the need to accept and be glad that the person has added their energy of enrichment to your life.
But there can of course be open communication. To approach with the positive intention of sharing in understanding, this can always be good.
With your friend P, you can understand that he has his own agenda, whatever it may be, and it may not concern you unless he wishes to share it with you, at which point you may wish to comment and share from the heart in any way that esteems the being that he is and the needs for communication that he may have at that time.
P is a very interesting man. He has many thoughts of you and he is wondering what is an appropriate course of action with you. He is a practical man, though, and naturally, since your geographic locations are disparate, there is the practical part of him that says this cannot work; I am not moving and she is not moving and therefore why proceed. And yet there is a romantic part of him and a genuine caring within him that says I care about her, she is dear to me and I do not want to lose her presence in my life, but I do not want to lead her on, but I do not want to part ways either.
So you are both asking the same questions.
Then why does he not call me to discuss these things?
He may be wondering why you do not call him.
I feel it is not my place to call. I feel that I have extended my fair share of communicating my interest. For me to reach more - he may perceive it as too much. I do not want to be too much to him.
Then you can explain this. Saying the words would help resolve some of the questions that you both have.
I am afraid to speak openly about this – that is, I am afraid to initiate this discussion. I would rather he initiate it.
Then you are both in fear, and the fear is what causes the hesitations. If you want to get beyond the hesitation, then it is appropriate to let go of your fear of rejection by speaking from the heart and explaining your concerns.
My concerns are really more internal. I am not sure that I want to pursue this. I am attracted to him and I genuinely care for him, but I feel that he is not matched to me in enough ways for a fuller relationship to unfold. And so it just seems easier to let it fade as it might on its own. And yet I feel emotionally attached. I feel emotion inside me as I write these words. I don’t want to lose him in my life. Why is this? Why do I feel attached?
You feel attached because you jumped from an attachment to J to an attachment to P. It is truly like jumping ship except instead of landing in the water you landed on another ship with just a different presentation but essentially the same ship, if not a smaller ship because the prospects of something extending into the future with P are minimal. He is far away. He wants you. He cares for you. He is thinking of you. But he does not want to endure relationship hardships.
Darn. I had hoped we might at least discover some interesting things together. I wanted to share something more than we have. I feel that the well is not dry.
No, the well is not dry. But how much energy do you want to put into lowering your bucket into the deep? It can be a lot of work and emotional energy, and then for what?
This is truly a mind game that you are playing with yourself. Not a game really, but a challenge. It is a mental challenge. Think ahead and see what you are dealing with. Then make a decision.
I want to see this in a more spiritual light.
Are you dancing around the basics? Are you looking at the realities?
Are you my spirit energy or are you my ego?
I am your ego but I am your spirit, too. I am all of you.
Spirit, please guide me. I don’t want to lose P in my life. He brings me happiness.
He does not fully bring you happiness. This relationship has brought you confusion and a sense of rejection a number of times. Is this what you want?
I do not want rejection. But isn’t that a mental challenge on my end and not necessarily a statement of his intentions or an inevitable outcome?
All that we deal with in life is a mental challenge. To see clearly – to see our intentions, to see our subconscious thinking, to recognize our fears and our hopes and dreams and to understand how they all merge in the soup we call life – this is the biggest mental challenge of all.
You are examining these elements of your life and this is good. It is good to question what you want and to itemize what you currently have – to take stock of it all.
Once again, I encourage you to look at your list of attributes – the attributes that you seek in a relationship, and describe where on the list P fits. This can be an objective exercise, one that you can do quickly and easily.
It is no problem to let go when you need to. There is no loss. You read this morning that all things in your life go in cycles. All things in our eternal life go in cycles. All good things come back in bountiful return. The love that you send P’s way will come back to you – from him – in ways that perhaps you do not expect. Trust that Paul is thinking of you and that his heart is with you.
Is it possible that we can move on, away from each other, without feeling loss? I do not want to feel loss again. It’s a hard emotion to deal with.
Yes, it is hard. But it is also a motivator. It inspires. You have had much inspiration in your life in the last few years and this is by design. It is no accident. These people in your life are playing roles for you that are very instrumental in you moving forward in your evolutionary path. It is critical that your heart be opened further and that this opening extend way into the future.
Well if it means crying over loss, I’m not sure I want it.
There is much loss in our world, and it is this loss on a mass scale that is galvanizing humankind to evaluate the precipitous juncture that you are living at right now and to find ways to change it. This must be done if mankind is to survive. There is no other way. The emotions are magnetic and the thoughts are electric, and together they have the effect of charging the spirit of man to gain a greater foothold in the life and livelihood of man.
You see, you are a product of your spirit energy. You must move forward, and you move forward by virtue of the emotions triggering your mind to think in deeper and deeper ways.
P is for you a trigger. Think of a hairline fracture. It is a small but significant crack in the system that leaves an impression – and the impression for you is to act. You are seeking ways in your life to move forward, to advance to a new level of thinking, and you are using, truly taking advantage of the opportunities that present themselves to help you.
This is something to be proud of. It is human and natural and right and timely to move forward. You must move forward.
Does moving forward mean letting go of P?
Moving forward means letting go of attachments to the degree that you can. There are no attachments that serve your higher good unless you are learning what you do not want. It is better to decide what you DO want and work toward that.
I want bountiful love and bountiful progress in working toward change in this world.
Then seek this with all your heart and all your mind. Put everything that you are into what you want. Your mind and heart can move mountains. You have this power, as all do, if you accept it and believe in it. So just keep moving on your path to achieve what you want. It can be done. Give it your all.
How do I say goodbye to him?
You do not need to say goodbye to him. But if you wish to tell him that you believe that your time of connection is coming to an end, it is important that you be sincere in these words. These are words that you have spoken to him and to J in the past when you indeed were not certain of their veracity. So you must decide what truly IS your truth. And then speak this truth to P. It will soothe his heart and bring him a sense of comfort. To hear the truth of the heart is to hear good things that bring the mind to a state of equilibrium. There is never a moment when truth does not serve all who come to it with a heart open to hearing.
Thank you self – higher self, guardian angels, me. I am glad that we connect. I am happy to know that you are always with me.
We are always with you. We are ever present with everyone. We do like to be heard. Thank you for listening. Goodbye for now.
